Last week, I had the opportunity to sit and have coffee with a friend. He’s been dealing with a major issue in his life recently and I’m able to relate. He is someone that I have known for several years, but only recently have had the opportunity to become closer to. As we used our time to talk, share and be a little vulnerable, I could see through the veil more and more. I could see the person beneath the Sunday Morning Mask. He allowed me into the hurt, pain, shame and doubts that had been plaguing him.
This wasn’t our first chat, that one really opened my eyes a bit. He let me into some of the stuff that people don’t put on their social media. He let me see the real life version of himself, not just the smile pretty for the camera and pretend everything is amazing for everyone to see on Facebook version. My eyes were opened as I realized that even someone that I had kind of looked up to from afar had some similar pains as I do.
There came a point in the conversation that has stuck with me ever since. It was a simple response to an honest admission of feeling like God wasn’t there in life. He was talking about how during his devotional time that morning, he simply wasn’t getting anything out of it and was frustrated. There wasn’t a verse that stuck out, a bit of story in the devotion that created a bit of an “AHA!” moment or anything that really helped him to feel any closer to God. I simply said “Sometimes God is quiet.” Surprisingly, it wasn’t the first time that he had heard that recently.
It got me thinking pretty hard. I have often struggled to hear God. I have read many books and done numerous devotions on the topic, but haven’t had anything that I consider a real breakthrough. I know that when I am actively practicing my faith, reading scripture daily, talking about faith, praying consistently, etc I feel much closer with God. Sometimes I wonder if I’m getting close to enough to actually be able to hear Him finally.
I have felt urgings that I’m sure where from Him. I’ve felt lead to something, be it in my life or in my faith, that I knew hadn’t come from me. I know that God has been present in my life and I have felt Him push me, but I haven’t ever heard God speak to me. I haven’t ever really read a verse of scripture and had that moment where I could hear God saying “Do you see it now? Can you hear what I’ve been saying to you?”.
And if I’m being honest, I haven’t felt a whole lot of God this year. The year started out rough with some big, unexpected changes at work and a pay cut. Things were tight, but they got much tighter after that. Through it all, things have worked out and I know that it was God making sure that we’ve had the things that we need.
I’ve also done the job search thing pretty hard. Every day off I had, that was my job for the day, spend a couple of hours finding work elsewhere. After literally hundreds of applications, I’ve only had 1 interview and wasn’t offered a position. I have what I consider to be very good job skills and experience, so I’m not sure why I’m stuck. I’ve been very frustrated and angry that God hasn’t lead me to what I’m supposed to be doing next.
Sometimes God is quiet.
It doesn’t mean He’s not there. It doesn’t mean he’s not working. It doesn’t mean that He doesn’t care. Sometimes, He’s just quiet.
WIth my struggles of feeling God’s presence, I haven’t been great at pursuing my faith. I pray every day, but sometimes wonder if maybe I’m the one that isn’t present in those moments. I do devotions, but I haven’t been super consistent. Sometimes I’ll get a few days in a row, sometimes I’ll go a few days in a row without doing one. I haven’t cracked open my bible a whole lot.
There’s a big part of me screaming to change those kinds of things. Just shouting at myself to take it more seriously, and my heart is certainly in it. But there are those days where the enemy beats me down and I can’t pick my head up to find Jesus and keep my eyes on Him. There are days where I can hear my heart shouting praises to God, but my lips have trouble following suit. Deep down, I know that I need to pursue a deeper relationship with Jesus, but my mind struggles to just barely make it through the day, let alone seek something much deeper and more meaningful.
Sometimes God is quiet, not because he’s mad at me. Sometimes, He’s just quiet. I know that it shouldn’t shape my faith. I know that God has done amazing things in my life. But I get so frustrated with not hearing Him speak to me that I have a hard time staying on fire. I struggle to hear Him and feel like He isn’t there for me, so why should I pursue Him.
I need to remember that my faith shouldn’t be based on “What have you done for me today?” But rather on remembering that he has done everything for me already and will continue to do so. My faith is supposed to be based on His love and grace, not on if He is actively speaking to me in the moment. Regardless of if I can hear His voice audibly, He still speaks to me in ways that can almost be imperceptible at times. He shows me beauty through nature, reminds me to be more in the moment with unique memories. His Spirit pushes me to do better and be better. He is speaking to me, sometimes I just want to have it be a little more obvious. I want a burning bush to tell me what to do.
Sometimes God is quiet.
I need to remember that even if He’s being quiet, He’s still speaking to me, I just have to be more open to how He’s talking to me.
Journey Through Faith 